So, I have a 4 bedroom/2 1/2 bathroom, house in Fort Worth. I'm in search of a reliable roommate to rent a room to.
Must have a steady job and reliable transportation. (I'm not babysitting anyone.) I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I'm just like, "Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it's not mine." I expect the same treatment.
I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's fucking GAY! But, fuck it... I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.
Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, smoke some herb, grab some sushi, go to the drive in movies, get on the roof, put a blanket down and look at the stars, build bunk beds, go cow tipping, TP houses at night, play hide and go seek, have staring contests, knit sweaters, work out, hike, go camping, push kids over at playgrounds, play video games or play a game of patty cake, or I don't have to fucking talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!
Sometimes I play air guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor.
So.... If any, or every one of these things sounds too legit to quit and you're down to have an awesome roommate that will always keep things interesting, let a negro know!
👊🏼🎤(drops mic) ✌🏼️